I am sure you watched UFC-162: Anderson Silva versus Chris Weidman. Where the Legend fell.
Do you know who Chris Weidman is ?
If you answered all of the above in affirmative, you may give the follow ups to this article a miss. I have not a substantial lot to offer.
But if one or more were in the negative, let me have the pleasure to extend my appreciation for this brave new sport to you.
If you answered all of them in negative, well, since manhandling is not appreciated, I would have to ask you to take 5 rounds of the nearest athletics field, at the end of which, hit the field to give me 50 push ups in two minutes and half, and then let me have the pleasure to extend my appreciation for this brave new sport to you.
Though, I understand well that this is an exercise in futility. It is like convincing vegetarians to take up eating meat or trying to make see the abstainer the totally magical world one sees after a few drinks. You just cannot. First there is this hurdle of subjectivity of opinion: What is the proof that if it was awesome for you, it would be awesome for me too? Secondly, and more importantly, there is the hurdle of prejudice: Meat for vegetarians, alcohol for abstainers, and for this article, violent sports for average peace-loving person, is something they:
– Are not ready to give a try in an unbiased manner. OR
– Do not look forward to. OR
– Need a shift change in outlook (not the Microsoft type) to accept.
Because, they think it is just not good.
But what would this world be without triers? So here I go.
But first, this little anecdote would not hurt-
The year of 2011, I had applied for a course offered by the NID in Toy and Game design and cleared the written exam. I was shortlisted for an interview which would take place in the NID campus at Ahmedabad. I wanted to design games, video games in particular, in fact just video games. In my pursuit of finding a college which was of some repute and offered a course in Game Design, NID was the best I could find. But they said Toy and game design, and just hinted that they would teach digital games also, and I conveniently chose to overlook the Toy part. I should not have.
I was called for an interview which was to span some 3 days and included some tasks, small projects and an actual interview. The total seats up for grabs were 15 and they had called about 25 people. I was already looking for my favorite room in the hostel, deliberating whether I would be able to eat the mess food the whole course and analyzing the canteen. You guessed it, no way I was not clearing this.
So for the first assignment, they showed this picture (Not these exactly, these are my lame renditions from what i remember).
They asked to write a story explaining the three cards, and asked us to draw the empty fourth, according to the story of course. If you are not in a hurry, why don’t you try it too? Tell me what story comes to your mind on seeing these three pictures and tell me in comments below.
This is what I drew as fourth.
And this is what I wrote:
“Sandhu and Lampat were upbeat. Today they had a Men’s Job to do. They were bored to death running errands for Dada. Today was their day.
There was a new Master in village. He was sent from the city to restart the defunct village school. Dada did not like it.
This village was not to be spoiled by education. They were to ‘convince’ the Master to reconsider the priorities in his life.
Sandhu and Lampat reached the Master’s house and started hurling the most inspired expletives.
Master came out. He must be about 30, Sandhu observed. The Master was wiry, about the average height.
He did not look fazed at all.
Lampat supplemented his battery of expletives with their motive to pay the Master this visit. “Go back kid. No school to be run here. If you are not gone by this evening, even your mother would not like to hug your dead body, it will be such a piece of art.”
The Master did not respond.
Lampat was infuriated upon not seeing the desired effect of his monologue on the Master. He made a move towards the Master in the most sinister fashion brandishing his danda. Dada was watching all of this from a distance. He wanted to be ‘sure’.
Lampat had barely moved an inch when he saw the Master reach out and draw two of the biggest revolvers he had ever seen, from under his shirt. They were pointed at Sandhu and him. Lampat thought he would faint. He dropped the stick. He was feeling sick. He could feel something warm seeping down his thighs. Sandhu had already joined his hands in seeking forgiveness.
The Master’s hands were steady, like a rock. He slowly turned his right hand towards the nearby hillock. Towards Dada.
Dada smiled. The information was right. The Master was the real thing. He will be his new lieutenant. Dada shouted,” I have an offer Master. Let us talk.”
I was really happy with the story. I had a good feeling.
The next day, the assignment was to make an object of play with some stuff we were give. There were wires, some wooden sticks, wire cutter, glue, cardboard etc. The object was to utilize the concept of balance. I must say I did a shit job there. A great awesome first story and a shit project, umm, in my mind it was 1-1 now. The interview tomorrow was to make it or break it.
There were 3 guys and a lady in the interview panel the next day. I showed my previous work and one of the guys tossed a pen cap towards me and asked to tell him 5 ways in which this pen cap can be used as an object of play. I could suggest only 4, three of which involved throwing the pen cap. I was thinking of the fifth one when the lady asked me “Are you a violent person?”
I said ‘No’, of course. I am sure she did not believe me.
But I think it was hilarious because she actually asked me this question. I don’t know what she was expecting as an answer “Glad you asked that Ma’am. As a matter of fact, yes, i am an extremely violent person. Now can I have your eye balls? I just got an idea for the fifth game.”
I did not make it to NID. I guess, for good.
But I don’t think of myself as a violent person. If the pseudo-psychologist would have read my story more closely, she would have observed that there was not even any real violence there. No shots were fired, nobody was hurt, at least physically (LOL). I think I was just in the spirit of video games and I wanted to write a stylized story. I don’t think it was any more violent than the desire to take a head shot in an FPS.
Why did I tell you this? Why UFC is the most awesome thing ever? Was the two-bit psychologist right?
Let me take that up in the next installment.